Downer!

Struggling to pull things around!

I haven't written a new post in this blog for almost 3 weeks and have been actively avoiding doing so.  This summer is proving to be a particularly low period for me on the endurance running front.  Lower than I had imagined and low for a whole myriad of reasons, not least of which is the battle with getting my head into the game.

It has been a tough few weeks aside of running (long story, lots of details but not worth boring the reader over) but the ultimate outcome has been a set back on an emotional, physical and psychological level.  After my last post, I had just received a massage and was looking forward to a 14 mile training run with Zoe M.  It turned out to be a hot day and one that reminded me that I simply do not cope with running in the heat.  At the end of mile 9, my back and right calf started playing up so the next couple of miles became intermittent with running, jogging and walking.  Zoe was her usual great self, so full of praise and encouragement but I simply slogged my way through running for the last 10 minutes and finally completed a 12.25 mile session in 2 hours.  Two days later however, I managed 11 treadmill miles without too much difficulty but was conscious that my right calf felt tight.

Other than that, I've been exercising at every opportunity but several factors have been limiting my training, my progress and my confidence.  Firstly, having the children at home with me over the holidays has meant that I'm not able to 'steal an hour here or an hour there' after work and when I have been able to find the time, I've been pretty much limited to an hour on most occasions so the distances aren't really happening.  The heat (even on those days that aren't actually that hot) seems to affect me as soon as the temperature reaches 20.  The last couple of weeks in particular seemed to feel so muggy (and an awful lot hotter in the gym) that even when my muscles and breathing are up to par, my head isn't.  I suspect that most of my lack of progress is mental although I certainly haven't been shying off training. 

Having had a week in Devon with my niece and daughters, I ran most mornings (5-6 miles) although the Brixham terrain is slightly different to that of Suffolk.  Hills galore and woodland were both welcomed and beautiful but extremely tough.  That said, my training time was limited to 50 minutes maximum and whilst maintaining a reasonable level of fitness, the progress isn't being made.  I had originally intended on running a longer distance this last weekend but well, after running on both Saturday and Sunday morning at 7am and literally melting whilst doing so, yet another weekend has gone by without any more than a 5 miler as a training run.  So, having ran a marathon almost 6 weeks ago, my longest distances since, were over 2 weeks ago and nowhere near long enough to give me the confidence in myself in this next impending challenge!

I've always prided myself on my fight and ability to grit my teeth and work through even the toughest of situations but I'm genuinely struggling to keep my head held high and believe in myself where training this summer has been concerned.  Each and every time I head out for a run with the best of intentions, I seem to find the whole session a bit torturous - give me a step machine or a bike however and it seems to be a different story.  Still, I'm trying and am really hoping to get 8 miles completed tomorrow evening.  I have a couple of opportunities this week to train although nothing more than an hour until this weekend.  I'm hoping that some rain at the weekend will enable me to get some miles in - from that point onwards, I'll be in a better position to determine just how I'm going to cope with Wolverhampton.  I'm so worried that I won't get around or that I'm so under prepared that it will be 5 hours of torture - or worse, that it'll knock every bit of confidence out of me where the running is concerned ahead of future events.  On the flip-side, by not even attempting it or by reducing it to a half-marathon training run in preparation for other events, I know that I'll be 'failing' in the challenge that I've set myself by my own volition.  Given that I set myself this challenge for my own personal reasons, I'm just not fully prepared to give up on Wolverhampton. 

So, from this point onward, I'm just going to (try to) remain positive and give it my best, although my best may just not be good enough on the day.  TRYING to keep some of my grit and determination about me (just worried, under prepared and terrified of the heat, the hurt and stuffing up)!